Our Vegetable Patch is Rated R

I had no idea what has been going on in our vegetable garden, as I’ve been wandering over there and have been harvesting kale and chard for salad, but I had let the weeding slide.  So when the temperature had finally dropped one evening, I poured myself a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and set to work for a lovely evening of weeding to a slowly setting sun while listening to the happy clucking chickens still milling about on the front lawn… how perfect and romantic.  Sigh…


Normal Carrots – rated PG

I’m embarrassed to admit that some of the weeds were the height of the veggies, so their roots were pretty thick… which dislodged some carrots that I had no idea how big they had become.  I was thrilled, and excitedly texted some carrot photos to the Chef whom was out of town – because I now realize, that’s what old married people do.

Please note that I was acting like a heathen and drinking white out a larger red glass, which I conveniently included for scale on an Adirondack chair.  Those carrots are huge, or at least they are for organic ones grown in our patch!  I was pretty impressed and immediately went to harvest more as I planned to eat them fresh and raw for dinner.  Delicious!  What a perfect evening!  So I headed back to the garden.

And that’s when things got… a little, ahem, naughty.

Giving your vegetables room to grow is one thing.  Not monitoring your vegetables like a chaperone at a grade 8 dance, apparently lets things get out of hand… and so after harvesting some unmonitored and frisky carrots, (that clearly had been listening to a whole lot of Barry White), I rushed them into the house so the neighbours wouldn’t see.


Look away children… Carrots… rated R.

I’m not going to lie.  I felt really awkward taking their photos… because discovering your innocent vegetable patch has been taking lessons out of the Carrot Kama Sutra play book is a bit shocking.

IMG_1716I was horrified.  What if there had been kids at our house when I harvested those things?  How would I have explained that?  “Well Timmy, when the mommy carrot and the daddy carrot love each other very much, they grow very close together and…”. Nope!  No way!


Mommy and Daddy Carrot… ahem.

So… be warned.  Don’t ignore your vegetable patch.  Water.  Get in there.  Weed.  Talk to your vegetables about the perils of uninvited weeds, non-organic fertilizers and the internet.  Be good to your garden.  Otherwise, you’ll get wild and frisky carrots hanging out on your countertop that your not quite sure to do with… because eating them just seems weird.

Now… I wonder how the beets are doing?

Good Luck and Happy Gardening!


The Shepherd

6 thoughts on “Our Vegetable Patch is Rated R

  1. John Johnson says:

    Who knew gardens could be so … so …pornographic, yet deliciously inviting!! The important question is …”you didn’t spill any wine, did you?” Sure hope the turnips weren’t anywhere near the carrots. I’d hate to think what they got up to!


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